There is so much i want to say and so many questions, but my mind is racing a majority of the time so it can be difficult for me to even complete some thoughts fully. I just want to learn how to get hold of this. I need balance in my life, I try to meditate...can't turn my brain off long enough, so you can imagine what tryin to get to sleep is like. So how do channel it? Will I ever have a clear mind? Will my moods be even?...
The prime problem here isn't your psychic ability. You nailed it yourself when you said "I can't turn my brain off". My best suggestion would be to get into a LifeStream class. It will take some time and money, and could involve some travel, but of all the things I know, it's the best option, works the quickest and is the most effective way to get at the root of how we all get in our own way. If that is truly impossible, one of their facilitators, James Roswell Quinn has written a fabulous book called "Controlling Others for Love and Profit" ("If you believe that, then you better wake up. Controlling others is not the solution - It is the problem."). Don't be thrown off by the title
In a nutshell, there are four basic reactions, Fight, Flight, Freeze and Facade. We all use them all at different times, but we each elevate one of them to an art form. From what you've said here, your primary reaction right now is Flight. What you need to do is spend more time in Evaluation. Force yourself to stop, think, and get your thoughts together. Celebrate yourself when you do so. It's like a muscle, if you keep exercising it, you'll get better at it. One really good way to do this is to start journaling. Do it every day, whether you have something to say or not. If you can think of nothing else, write an intention statement for the day. For example: My intention for today is to be focused. Then, at the end of the day, evaluate how focused you were, and why you were not focused. You will start to see a pattern. Journaling is the single best thing you can do to improve your psychic ability as well.
The best way to learn to meditate may be by doing guided visualizations. Quinn has a centering CD on his site. You may find many other guided visualizations online. Just Google "Meditation CDs". Try a few for different purposes. With someone's voice to keep you focused on the task, it may be easier to quiet your mind. Another idea is to simply sit still and pay attention to your breathing. Count your in and out breaths ... and notice that over a period of time you are able to maintain your focus for longer and longer periods. I am not one of these people who believes it is necessary to meditate for hours each day - I think 5-10 minutes twice a day is all most people need to start seeing benefits. It needs to be done every day, but you don't have to spend hours at it. Once you start to make a habit of it, and celebrate yourself for each victory, you will find that it gets much easier to hold your focus. Be patient with yourself, give yourself time. Don't expect to master it in days or weeks. For now, just enjoy it like a game. Let it be okay if you don't see progress right away, and you will progress a lot faster.
By the way I'm just reading a nifty book called "Women Who Think Too Much", I think it could be helpful in your case as well.