Throughout my childhood I experienced a small handful of psychic experiences, though I always had a burning passion to learn about such a field. My family are devout Christians, however, and I quickly learned that these things were not to be spoken about.
This, however, I believe led me to rebel and try to explore. I don't know why, but I was drawn to the "dark side" of the supernatural. I don't believe this was a good thing. I dove heavily into that world, however, I found that I couldn't grow psychically. Losing interest in the psychic world, I grew increasingly depressed, and it led to a suicide attempt. Only after surviving that, I regained my lust for knowledge and growth.
So, I left the darkness and began on a search. I wanted to grow and learn, but books never worked and I didn't know anyone who could give me any guidance.
Now, I am here. Although I'm no longer involved in dark spirituality, I often find myself having very destructive thoughts. I have always been very reluctant to blame outside entities for one's actions and thoughts, though I do not know why I have such dark desires. Do you have any advice? I don't think I'll be able to open up my abilities until I want to use them for good.
Wow, what a great letter! I applaud your thoughtfulness. You have already taken many huge steps to growth, and the first step I think you need to take next is to give yourself a huge pat on the back for that!
The next piece of advice I am going to give you may sound a little odd, because it does not really involve the psychic process at all. I am going to recommend a program I have attended called "LifeStream".
They have workshops in Toronto, Jacksonville, Columbus, Cincinnati and Rochester. It is worth flying up for it if you don't live close to one of these cities. I took the "LeaderShape" program recently as kind of a spiritual retreat/vacation. There are Lifestream links in both Canada and the US here.
LifeStream has been such a gigantic help for me in my own personal growth, I can't even begin to tell you how much happier I am, how much more confident I am, how much "better" I am, in every way - but especially psychically.
I get no financial incentive to recommend it to you - but I am the editor of a book called "Controlling Others for Love and Profit", which is written by one of the program's facilitators, James Roswell Quinn. If you can't afford to attend the classes, the book is the next best thing. I also recommend the book "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.
You see, where you are at is more a matter of attitude than of psychic influence. You may indeed have a problem with an attached negative spirit (and I will get to that at the end of this email). But I truly believe that spirits cannot affect us without "permission" on some level. Sometimes this is conscious and ill-intended ("I hate the world and I want to do damage!"), but most of the time, these reactions come from fear ("I want to protect myself from harm, and the dark side looks more powerful"). Unfortunately, as you know, the dark side has a price (look at the Star Wars story ... what a powerful way to share a spiritual truth).
LifeStream is all about our attitudes to fear-based reactions. When I was able to understand my own fear-based reactions, I learned that the reason I was so sensitive psychically was that I was desperate to "please", to "help". I had learned somewhere down the line that if I made myself helpful, people are less likely to hurt me. I thought I was just a hopeless "goodie-goodie" on that level but the truth was a little more humbling. In fact I was afraid to speak for my own needs, and that nearly overwhelmed me by the time I found myself in this class. John Nemanic, my former boss and the contributor to my book said "You are going to destroy yourself and I want to help you. Take this class."
I now believe that class saved my life.
Your case may be very different. I learned in class that everyone has their own unique story, but that what makes us all the same is that no matter what our fears and issues are, they all come down to these fear-based reactions. Learn about that, and we can take control over just about anything. Quinn’s book title is really a play on words. It’s not about "controlling others". Leadership is the art of self-control. When you have that, no one, not parents, friends, family, strangers, nor even demons can control you. The single-most effective process I have found for reaching that state is the LifeStream program.
There are other, similar programs. Many of them, like Life Skills, EST and Silva Mind Control are famous and quite popular. They might be worth checking out if there is a program closer to you. Just keep in mind that I have not tried these classes. What I like about LifeStream is the focus on personal responsibility and leadership.
On the spiritual level, it is best you do regular cleansings and daily meditations to help release any negativity that may remain from your past experiences. Do a rainbow visualization in the morning when you wake up and at night before you go to bed. If you are using any tools or crystals from the past, either burn them or bury them, and buy new ones with the intent to go forward in a positive way. I always affirm that I will use my abilities and my tools for "The highest good of all". Mentally release any ties you may have to those from your past who may remain focused on negativity. If you are not familiar with these concepts, they are explained in detail in both the printed and ebook versions of Living With Your Psychic Gifts.